A sudden jolt of the car and it startled and stopped.I could smell the burning tires and the sound of my brakes caught every eye around… That sheer sound of sudden brakes and that burning smell.I instantly knew it was my doomsday, I glanced down in my rear view mirror and saw the burnt rubber on the road ….a jolt again and my car came to a halt with a sudden crash of my engine. I should have been afraid, my heart was pounding faster than it had been all day long, sweat ran across my forehead even though the air conditioner was on and with the background music of some stupid slow track by Arjit I saw her.A glowing face, A shiny angel walking right in the middle of the street. I was afraid to my bones “Has she heard my brakes.Did she know I was here ??? Would she recognize my old car ..the car in which we have spent so many loving nights and evenings? I still remember the last time we were in this car, the song Closer wasn’t even out then and we both were in the backseat of my car making love Or was that really love ?? I am not sure of that anymore but it was something I will never forget.
Then she turned.She turned and My heart stopped beating …I believe she saw me but she didn’t stop just walked across the road without looking again. She has stopped again she is looking dead straight into my windshield. I am frozen, my hands start to shiver and I feel if there was darkness in front of me but then I don’t know what happened.I punched the liver to my right and my seat got straighten and along with it, I fall back. I am now lying straight in my car impossible to see from the front. But I could still see her. She picked one strand of her hair and pushed it back to her ear and I saw her cheeks and lips.Damn !! I still remember the time when I used to play with those hair and then she did it again she circled her hair strand and then put it back behind her ear as if she is teasing me. She knew I loved when she did that. She hasn’t moved an inch, neither have I. I don’t know if m breathing or not anymore. I can’t hear the song. I can’t hear the honking car behind me. I am stuck in the oblivion. Must have been some real deep quantum shit as I don’t know which time zone I am in anymore. You know that slow motion thing all crappy Bollywood movies have. The girl handles her bag and guy falls for her …….Time has stopped ..I don’t know how many hours have been gone while I have been here or may be it just has been a minute or less than that.
Sunlight falls on her face as she takes a step towards me. I feel like a cornered boxer, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide just waiting for my destiny or my destruction. She has stopped and turned left looking at her office. I raise myself a bit to see her. Her black Adidas t shirt, her dark blue denim, her small bellies on those tiny little feet. I start to wonder has she lost weight she looks slim or maybe more fit I am in no sense to judge, I looked at my belly and smile. I am still in shock and awe at the same time. Her red hair is gone. She again has those black curly hair which ends to her bra strap on her back I knew she’s wearing her black one today. She always used to wear the same with this tee. Sunlight is troubling her…. falling straight into her eyes. She’s irritated. Damn it the sun get the fuck outta here !!!! She has her company bag with her with that yellow patch and that blue Tupperware lunch box. I wonder what was in it today .. Curry, Lentils or may be Rajma(kidney beans)….Rajma …which she loved to cook for me especially.and a smile spreads down my lips. I could see her face again now I sank back deep into the seat again. Invisible to her yet so much open .. so much open to the world that anyone could creep in and hurt me. She has lipstick on ..just the small hint of pink. I always wondered how she does that … Take just a little lipstick just little that one can only notice. But I know what under that shade. I know the colors of those lips whom I have touched, felt, kissed and loved. I could almost feel the taste of her lips on mine again and then she turns away from her to her cab. She still has that swiftness in her walk, Her butts going in perfect sync. Her steps just coming straight in a line. I always have been in love of her catwalk right from the first time I saw walking in a ramp show at my college festival.
She is close to the door. She holds the handle to open up and stops turns around in my direction again and stops. My hearts is pounding more faster. God, I might have a heart attack.Damn my head is hurting. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. She is not opening the door of her cab.She is just standing there looking in my direction. Is she looking at me ?? Has she found out it’s been me here all along?? Is she waiting for someone ??
And then she smiles
Fuck Fuck….!!! God, I want to taste her lips again. She has made a perfect smile again from ear to ear. Should I go out ??? Should I call her to let her know that m here …right in front of her ??? Is she waiting for me to drive close to her as I always did when I used to come to pick her up from her office ..?? Is she tired ?? She does look tired …poor child must have been working all day long. She needs rest. She’s again holding the handle of the door. She opens it up and looks back again. She knows …..By the look in her eyes and her smile, I know that she knows m here … it’s me only … What is she thinking?? That m some kind of stalker … A pervert … An asshole ….???????? I Don’t know.. may be I am.
She waved off her hand as a goodbye in my direction and gets in her cab. Was she waving to me as a goodbye forever??? I try to look behind myself I see several people behind several in front of me … Nobody moved an inch. All were busy in their own miserable lives or corporate bordism and smoke rings. And she’s off Should I follow her ?? Should I stalk her to her house? I know where she lives. I know which route this cab will take … There really are just 3ways to get out of here. I know all of them. I know them just like the back of my hand. I have been on all of them hundreds of times. With her … Without her … With other girls.. alone !! I could chase her …
Shit someone’s behind me honking loudly .. Stop it, motherfucker!!! … Oh crap, there is a line of cars behind mine… I am blocking everyone’s path .. I ignited my engine and the car jumps .. Damn it .. I must have left it in gear … I pressed the clutch and make sure that my throttle meets the metal under it. I car comes alive. But where now ……… I stop again along the sidewalk. I look for her .. she’s gone … Lost in this scene .. Just as she had 7 months back and here I am. The radio is playing. Keep me in your heart for a while by Warren Zevon…. I smile and think … The radio jockey sitting 20km away from me knows what my heart wants and yet she doesn’t…… I start to cruise singing along….