Decaf !!!!!!

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He stood there with flickering lights over his head. Thud ….. The gun drops down from his hand to the wooden floor. He starts shaking, his eyes gazing through his hands which now have started to shiver. He joins his hands to make them stop but his legs give in. He falls down on his knees and with gloomy eyes, he looks at her… Well, whatever is left of her.
Her golden hairs spread all over her face. That radiating face to which he fell for ages ago or was it yesterday,, he wasn’t sure anymore. But something in her face was off.  Something that was never there is now making a terrific appearance.He is going numb. His lips are trembling. ……….. “Water!! I need water “. His body needs water but his eyes just see blood.
Then he looks at what he has done. A clear shot from a point blank range … Right in-between her eyes. Just as he was trained to do his whole life, to have a clear shot with no chance of survival.
But this has been difficult and different from the rest of them. It isn’t the first time he is looking at a body or a target but this was the hardest. She was his love… Tears have built up in his eyes demanding to b freed from the shackles of his eyelids. He can’t open them, he feels like he’s chocking.And then
He opens his eyes as he feels something wet touching his fingers. He looks down to see the blood from his lovers head has made a stream… Through the wooden flooring, this red nectar has found a way to his fingers as if claiming it’s righteous owner… As if it had been tired of staying in those veins as if all it ever wanted to was to get out and run free.He steps back and the words of his favourite author come to his mind
 “”No matter how much you think you love somebody, you’ll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.””
Maybe he was right. He is disgusted by his actions. He can’t look at it. He steps back to the table and lifts the gun on his way. Putting it on the table with a slam he lits a cigarette …still with shaking hands, he flicks his Zippo open. It still has his lover’s name engraved next to his on it.
“Goddamn it” He takes a long drag and looks at her again.
“ARE YOU HAPPY NOW???LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO … YOU DUMB MOODY CUNT!!!! I JUST WANTED A FUCKING ESPRESSO NOT A DECAF!!”
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The love of my life

 

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As I spend the night looking back at my life I notice that when I was younger, some women told me they loved me for my eyes, I accepted. Later it was for my physic, then for money. Then for my wit. Then because of my mind—(deep), OK, I fucking can handle that easily.
The only woman who scares me is the one who loves me for myself alone. I have special plans for her. I have poisons, traps, knives and baseball bats for her. I literally have a bullet with her name on it. I know all of those deep dark graves in caves to hide her body. Trenchs to make her head disappear. She cannot be allowed to be alive. Especially if she is sexualy faithful, never lies ,makes good coffee and always puts me ahead of everything and everyone…She just gotta die.

Before I fell for her the way I don’t want to.

Remembering

​Silent skies, rings of cigarette smokes , shimmer of stars above, and glowing moon… Thoughts in my brain and beer in my mouth goes just when the toes go deeper in d sand… The cold increases as the roaring of waves meet the thunderous beat of Zeus … and a gentle smile reaches my lips as my mind brought back the memory of u again with the wish of u being next to me.
This week have been an amazing one . Probably the one I can remember for a lifetime. It was raw, real, passionate and bed breaking.

Be back soon.

Love in new dimensions

Most of us see love as an acquisition,like a new phone . The first time it falls there is an anguished gasp. Then after the years we see all the dents and cracks and think ” perhaps it’s time to buy a new one”.

How the random shift in the partner attachments have been changing is amazing and contradictory to the fight we claim to be fighting against the AI to be brought in market ??

I understand that the fear of terminator has been filed into the minds of millennials all thanks to Mr Arnold Schwarzenegger. But has that really changed the way we contact our fellow humans ?? Has the society being so lost and heavy under the sentiments of failure and caging up inside that we don’t want to be with others ?

Well if we really are hating other humans may be AI is the next best thing we have done for our doom after the cell phone . The psudocommunication device created profoundly on the thought of bringing people together and closer only to find the wedges it has brought up in our lives … … 

I hope AI gets in market . May be that’s the final blow we require to understand that we really have fucked up of humanity in search of petty Happy over the sorrows of others … 

And buy ourselves a new bot Everytime the old one stops to obey your commands..

Not a regular morning

I opened my eyes. I was tied with my hands behind my back and my face was covered with dirt and blood. My lips were hurting  I smelled blood. My guts had pain as if I was having a baby. I tried to crawl but my body hurt as if 100s of needles were into me.
Then I heard something and I looked up to see him. I was so pleased seeing him. Finally, he was here. My amazing Knight.The love of my life…… I felt safe .
But something was not quite right. He wasn’t helping me. He wasn’t even looking at me. He just sat there …calm peaceful and took another sip. He was drinking whiskey … I could see ice in that glass… 2 ice cubes ….Just as he liked it whole his life.
How the fuck can he drink when I am tied here.His cigarette was next to the ashtray . He was just gazing out towards the window. I wonder what he was looking at and why he was smiling ?? I screamed but my voice didn’t leave my mouth.
Softly then he spoke, without even looking at me “””” We all have desires u know, desires are the things that make us sane.Otherwise, in this cold world of dual faced people and dual-edged swords, it’s too easy to be lost. To be someone you are not and not even want to be”” ……
He took another sip and continued “” It’s true humans shape things around them but it’s not just things ……they embrace, interact and shape their fellow humans too …into the molds of their own minds. I guess that’s pretty normal. Everyone loves power ….power on someone.. something .. anything to feel good about themselves. To be dominant and lay down your best hand every time someone is about to lose.
But is this power real?? … Is it…. He choked on his words “” To oppress..to bind ….to cage … To put someone in bondage….I have been on the both ends of this road … Caging someone gives you the pleasure…some pleasure which nothing can provide you it’s like the force that drives you nuts … More heavy than coke more smoother than malana cream …””
He took another drag of filthy cigarette from ashtray which was kept there… He took a long drag and stubbed the butt into it … He lit another and then spoke again ”  You know it goes hard when u r in love with them … U know the pain but you can’t stop ..you are not just binding them ….you yourself are chained with the shackles of your desires.  It’s amazing to see sometimes the gush of blood going down from someone’s head . ,,,
He turned and asked have you ever tasted blood … The warmth of it ??? The deep redness in its waves. Oh, wait I forgot  ……. He kneels down and removes the rag out of my mouth and I take deep breaths and cough. I gasp for air. I should’ve screamed but I wanted to hear. I wanted to know.. ….. I don’t know why???
He got back to the chair and pulled it in front of me. Sitting there in that comfy chair there he was….right in front of me…- A man I loved, a man I adore, A subject of my thesis, My love … Or just a crazy … A schizophrenic patient … Who doesn’t know who he is … Who I am  … What kind of man forgets his wife?? Who forgets that the woman in front of him is the one who gave birth to his child??. I don’t know how can someone forget all that …is that only the power of love ???.
“”Why?””
He was looking dead into me. His fingers were again circling around something on the table– A gun. An IMI DESERT EAGLE… Ironically I bought him that on his 30th birthday cause he loved it …
“I asked you something”… His tone changed to anger……. “Why did you want this??  Why you wanted to come between me and my wife ??””
He stood up … I shivered. He walked to the window and started blabbing….. “No, I want to know first why she did that. I just can’t let it go. ……… Yes, I will take care of her … Then we will be together love …””
 I dropped my jaw.   He was looking in thin air … Who was he talking to ??? He leaned as if he is going to kiss someone… His hand held around nothing and he did the most disgusting thing ever. His lips moved. He really was kissing someone. but who ?? There was nobody there. Was I not seeing what he is ??
He turned to me and with his gun facing me and said ” See,, I always loved my wife  and no one can come between us””
Bang !!!!
That’s all I heard ……..Ever.

A FACE

 

A sudden jolt of the car and it startled and stopped.I could smell the burning tires and the sound of my brakes caught every eye around… That sheer sound of sudden brakes and that burning smell.I instantly knew it was my doomsday, I glanced down in my rear view mirror and saw the burnt rubber on the road ….a jolt again and my car came to a halt with a sudden crash of my engine. I should have been afraid, my heart was pounding faster than it had been all day long, sweat ran across my forehead even though the air conditioner was on and with the background music of some stupid slow track by Arjit I saw her.A glowing face, A shiny angel walking right in the middle of the street. I was afraid to my bones “Has she heard my brakes.Did she know I was here ??? Would she recognize my old car ..the car in which we have spent so many loving nights and evenings? I still remember the last time we were in this car, the song Closer wasn’t even out then and we both were in the backseat of my car making love Or was that really love ?? I am not sure of that anymore but it was something I will never forget.

Then she turned.She turned and My heart stopped beating …I believe she saw me but she didn’t stop just walked across the road without looking again. She has stopped again she is looking dead straight into my windshield. I am frozen, my hands start to shiver and I feel if there was darkness in front of me but then I don’t know what happened.I punched the liver to my right and my seat got straighten and along with it, I fall back. I am now lying straight in my car impossible to see from the front. But I could still see her. She picked one strand of her hair and pushed it back to her ear and I saw her cheeks and lips.Damn !! I still remember the time when I used to play with those hair and then she did it again she circled her hair strand and then put it back behind her ear as if she is teasing me. She knew I loved when she did that. She hasn’t moved an inch, neither have I. I don’t know if m breathing or not anymore. I can’t hear the song. I can’t hear the honking car behind me. I am stuck in the oblivion. Must have been some real deep quantum shit as I don’t know which time zone I am in anymore. You know that slow motion thing all crappy Bollywood movies have. The girl handles her bag and guy falls for her …….Time has stopped ..I don’t know how many hours have been gone while I have been here or may be it just has been a minute or less than that.

Sunlight falls on her face as she takes a step towards me. I feel like a cornered boxer, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide just waiting for my destiny or my destruction. She has stopped and turned left looking at her office. I raise myself a bit to see her. Her black Adidas t shirt, her dark blue denim, her small bellies on those tiny little feet. I start to wonder has she lost weight she looks slim or maybe more fit I am in no sense to judge, I looked at my belly and smile. I am still in shock and awe at the same time. Her red hair is gone. She again has those black curly hair which ends to her bra strap on her back I knew she’s wearing her black one today. She always used to wear the same with this tee. Sunlight is troubling her…. falling straight into her eyes. She’s irritated. Damn it the sun get the fuck outta here !!!! She has her company bag with her with that yellow patch and that blue Tupperware lunch box. I wonder what was in it today .. Curry, Lentils or may be Rajma(kidney beans)….Rajma …which she loved to cook for me especially.and a smile spreads down my lips. I could see her face again now I sank back deep into the seat again. Invisible to her yet so much open .. so much open to the world that anyone could creep in and hurt me. She has lipstick on ..just the small hint of pink. I always wondered how she does that … Take just a little lipstick just little that one can only notice. But I know what under that shade. I know the colors of those lips whom I have touched, felt, kissed and loved. I could almost feel the taste of her lips on mine again and then she turns away from her to her cab. She still has that swiftness in her walk, Her butts going in perfect sync. Her steps just coming straight in a line. I always have been in love of her catwalk right from the first time I saw walking in a ramp show at my college festival.

She is close to the door. She holds the handle to open up and stops turns around in my direction again and stops. My hearts is pounding more faster. God, I might have a heart attack.Damn my head is hurting. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. She is not opening the door of her cab.She is just standing there looking in my direction. Is she looking at me ?? Has she found out it’s been me here all along?? Is she waiting for someone ??

And then she smiles

Fuck Fuck….!!! God, I want to taste her lips again. She has made a perfect smile again from ear to ear. Should I go out ??? Should I call her to let her know that m here …right in front of her ??? Is she waiting for me to drive close to her as I always did when I used to come to pick her up from her office ..?? Is she tired ?? She does look tired …poor child must have been working all day long. She needs rest. She’s again holding the handle of the door. She opens it up and looks back again. She knows …..By the look in her eyes and her smile, I know that she knows m here … it’s me only … What is she thinking?? That m some kind of stalker … A pervert … An asshole ….???????? I Don’t know.. may be I am.

She waved off her hand as a goodbye in my direction and gets in her cab. Was she waving to me as a goodbye forever??? I try to look behind myself I see several people behind several in front of me … Nobody moved an inch. All were busy in their own miserable lives or corporate bordism and smoke rings. And she’s off Should I follow her ?? Should I stalk her to her house? I know where she lives. I know which route this cab will take … There really are just 3ways to get out of here. I know all of them. I know them just like the back of my hand. I have been on all of them hundreds of times. With her … Without her … With other girls.. alone !! I could chase her …

 

Shit someone’s behind me honking loudly .. Stop it, motherfucker!!! … Oh crap, there is a line of cars behind mine… I am blocking everyone’s path .. I ignited my engine and the car jumps .. Damn it .. I must have left it in gear … I pressed the clutch and make sure that my throttle meets the metal under it. I car comes alive. But where now ……… I stop again along the sidewalk. I look for her .. she’s gone … Lost in this scene .. Just as she had 7 months back and here I am. The radio is playing. Keep me in your heart for a while by Warren Zevon…. I smile and think … The radio jockey sitting 20km away from me knows what my heart wants and yet she doesn’t…… I start to cruise singing along….

Living the fears

You can either live your dreams or live your fears and i feel majority of people are actually not living their dreams but are living their fears.

So lets ask them a question ?? What are your fears ?? What are you afraid of ??What makes you shit in your pants every other night?? What is it that scares you ??

And trust me we all have fears .Every single one of us have some or other fears.Gone are the days of MR Gandhi or Winston Churchill or Mr Mandela, as i believe they were fearless but not anymore.If you are in 2017.. Boy ! You have fears.

For those who are about to stop reading this thinking it to be another science shit lecture.This ain’t it . I am not talking about your fears of spiders or height or clowns. I want  to talk about the internal fears .The fears that stops you from achieving the greatness within you. The fears which doesn’t let you do what you want to do because you are afraid. That is the reason why so many people are not living their true potential because of their fears ..Their fears of rejection,false expectations.

I want you to decide something today to decide just 1 simple thing —DO YOU WANNA LIVE YOUR DREAMS OR DO YOU WANNA LIVE YOUR FEARS??

Cause if you chose to live with fears ,good luck is all i have for you.

But if you want to pursue your dreams then i think i have something in the store for you people.i am narrowing them down in few steps.

  • Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Richard Branson — ‘If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!

I have seen entrepreneurs who never take risks and hence walk straight into their dooms. I have known people who regrets their lives just because they were afraid to ask the girl of their dreams to marry them.

Guys you know what your heart wants and trust me if you are afraid it surely would be worth it and much more satisfying than anything that you might have done till now.

So feel the feel ,embrace it and then steps up to knock its brains out. 

  • Take ownership of your life

You have fought your way into the world . You already have beaten millions of sperms to be born. Ain’t that’s great !!! But we still let others take the ownership of our lives and wait for permissions or acceptances to do what we want to do.

WHY?? Why the fuck you want someone to tell you that whats is good for you or not?Why you waiting for other people so you could go on that Europe trip ?Go alone.

Start taking control of you lives .Start taking responsibilities of your own deeds.

 

  • Don’t fit your dream in your smaller lives.

IF i can tell one thing from the lives of all the successful persons is that they never worked for themselves. They worked for the benefit of people and that’s how they reach to the top because they have understood that their dream is bigger than their own lives. Their aim is much higher than the lives they live. The idea is worth much more than their company.

IDEAS ARE LIKE BULLETS,DON’T KEEP THEM IN THEIR SHELL.. FIRE THEM OR THEY WILL BE OF NO USE.

 

  • Get on the top cause the bottom is always overcrowded 

There is a reason why all the top riches in the world are just 3% of the whole population and which the rest of 97% is not in that. Not all of them were born with silver spoon up in their asses. I have seen people working their way up to the top.Fighting daily with their fears and never giving up.All because they believed in something. They wanted to achieve something so they worked their asses off every day and night and reached what they were chasing.

DON’T SETTLE YOUR LIFE WITH OK  … MAKE IT LARGE. CREATE AN EMPIRE,NOT A HOUSE.

 

  • Where there is way there is a way.

We all know the thirsty crow story but have we learnt anything from it like fucking ever.If you were to do something you will make that happen no matter how tough it is or how hard you think it is. IF its on the top of your priority list you will do it no matter what you will find a way and there always is a way.

JUST FIND THE ONE YOU NEED OR EVEN BETTER MAKE ONE FOR YOURSELF!!!

 

WHEN YOU ARE BACKED DOWN AT THE WALL BREAK THE GODDAMN THING DOWN-HARVEY SPECTER

IT’s alright if you have fears but if you not fighting them everyday to excel in your life man you are wasting you time on the ground.So get up and get going.